A fun flash fiction, about how and why, I fake my death! Enjoy!! 😁 (Everything in this is fictional. None of the names used are real either. None of the following has or will ever happen. Or will it?)
My Fake Death:
The coffin lay before them. Their sobs loud and clear, the pastor
said beautiful things, about how kind I was, and how everyone would miss me. I lay
in my grave trying not to laugh, this was all going according to plan.
“Dear ones, the lord loved her. And blessed us with the short time we
had with her. For truly I say, he does not wish to hurt us. But could not stand
keeping her so far from home so long.”
After the ceremony everyone wept some more. Some people I knew were
there, uncle, and aunts, mother, and father. My sister was crying so hard it
took everything I had not to claw out of here, walk to her and comfort her. It
broke me to do this to them, but if I hadn’t, they all would have suffered more.
Hi! I’m Alisa Grant, and this is the story of how I die!! Well,
I didn’t die. Let me put it this way, this is the story where I fake my death
to save many lives.
So, let’s go back a few weeks, I was in a coffee shop drinking
coffee. While sipping my coffee I overheard some men talking.
“Yes, it is true! She’s back, and ready to send us away!”
“It can’t be,” then he whispered, “The death writer?”
I smirked at the mention of my code name. I lifted my newspaper over
my face and pretended to be reading it, all the while evesdropping on their
conversation.
“But I know her true identity.” The first said. “And where we can
find little miss trouble.”
“She was one of our top agents! There is no way you could have found
her.” The other argued.
“She was one fine agent, until she went rogue and turned good.”
“Now tell me, how did you uncover her identity? I mean we didn’t force
our trainees to give us their true identities, we even let the train with masks
and suits!”
“It was not the smartest move I think, I uncovered her identity when
I happened to run into someone who had the same last name.”
Fear bubbled inside of me, I was curious and anxious.
“A relative?”
“Indeed, a sister. You see this young lady knows my daughter. So, we
talked for a while and I got invited for tea, I asked about her sister, and she
wouldn’t keep quiet. A rookie mistake.”
I gasped, my sister seriously needed to learn what to share and what
not!
“So, what did you find out?”
“Well, I now know where she makes her home, who her family is, and her
real name.”
“Just tell me!” the other whined.
“Alisa Grant.”
The other gasped at the sound of my name. “They’re the same person?”
I quickly rose from my seat, my cream-colored oversized coat and huge
collar hiding my identity, along with my big hat and newspaper.
“This gentleman looks
suspicious, you think he heard us?” the big one got up, I recognized him as my fighting
instructor at the academy.
I tried to keep my head low, and pass quickly, but that only made me
look shadier.
My professor grabbed my arm. “Sir, have you heard of the death
writer?”
I shook my head, “No.”
“And did you hear anything we
said?” He glared at me, the way he used to in class.
My thoughts were going a hundred miles a second.
“Gentleman, why
would your discussion interest me? I was merely reading the news; I hadn’t even
realized you were talking. Who is this death writer you speak of? Sounds like
the perfect man for an interview! I run the local papers you know.” This was not the truth of course.
My professor hastily let go of my arm, “The local paper?” His voice
sounded nervous, and I understood why, the local paper often interviewed shady
people and got criminals arrested.
I smirked, “Why did you talk about something newsworthy?” I yanked
out a notebook and pen. “I need a good story for tomorrow’s issue!”
MY instructor and his accomplice hastily fled the scene.
The next day I infiltrated my old academy, wearing a disguise, pretending
to be a janitor. I was able to delete all information they had about my
identity, and even added fake information about me. I also hacked into their
system.
After safely returning to my base, I consulted my partner about what
was to be done.
“Jamie, it was a success, but I can’t erase the data from Professor Malcom’s
mind. What do you suppose I do?” I looked at the skull questioningly.
As usual Jamie was silent, probably deep in thought.
“You’re right! We need to get Malcom! But to do this I need an alley,
a spy… but no one is going to turn that easily…”
Silence. Jamie must really have been thinking hard, but he soon
shared his wisdom with me telepathically as usual.
“Yes! Brilliant, I haven’t talked to agent spider monkey in forever! He
still owes me a favor.”
Man, I love that skull, I was often caught citing Shakespeare,
specifically hamlet. Yeah, I am a nut case.
So, I gave spider monkey a call. He was more than happy to help, and
even volunteered to join my side. I accepted the offer, but I didn’t trust
spider monkey just yet. He still needed to prove his loyalty by completing this
mission.
So as planned spider would lure Malcom into a trap. Then he would
notify us that Malcom was secure. Then me and Jamie would collect our dear
captive and fulfill the rest of my plan. (Which I have yet to figure out.)
Me and Jamie waited for three hours. We chatted for a while, Jamie
responding telepathically and me talking out loud. When my computer made an
elephant sound.
“An email!” I jump up and open the email.
Death writer,
I have done as you asked. Malcom is
safely secured; he is ready for collection. Meet me at the coffee shop in ten
minutes, I expect you to come alone, do not bring your partner.
-Spider Monkey.
This was strange. Spider never signed off as Spider Monkey. Always as
just spider, and we agreed to meet at the warehouse. Plus, why would I bring
Jamie with me? He was a skull, and he could probably scare some bad guys, or I
could throw him at any unwanted intruders. Still, as far as spider knew Jamie was a human on vacation in Hawaii. I decided to email him back:
Spider Monkey,
Were you able to silence Malcom on
the agreed upon way? I will meet you at the coffee shop because that is where
we originally agreed to meet. My partner will be accompanying me, for as you
know I cannot risk my identity being revealed. Do not worry, you are on our
side; my partner will not harm you.
PS: If Malcom escapes, I will be
forced to take drastic measures.
-Assistant of Death Writer.
I always signed off that way. No one can know how many works with me,
or how many know my identity.
In the coffee shop, I saw spider sitting and talking with a man. Malcom
was tied up but obviously acting like he wasn’t.
“Malcom, Spider.” I stood by their table now, in my disguise accept
this time I had my signature death writer mask on. A white mask with black
skulls and typewriters all over it.
“Death writer I assume your partner is waiting outside?” Spider got
up, he wore a grey suit with his mask covering his face, it had spiders all
over it and webs.
“My partner is in this very coffee shop mister web.” I had to force
myself not to laugh, I used to call him that when I went to the academy. He
hated it!
“Interesting, you still choose to call me that. But I have the
maturity not to call you what I used to.”
I blushed glad my mask hid my flushed cheeks. “Back to business,
Spider did you do what I asked in his office?”
He seemed to hesitate, “No.”
“And why not?”
He took a deep breath, “Because I don’t owe favors to traitors.” He a stepped forward.
I stepped back, I suspected this would happen, that’s why I did bring
back up.
“Grave author! Plan b begins now!”
Grave author did what I told her to, she was slim and was wearing a
nice dress with a slit on the left side. Her purple dyed hair, and open face
surely made her look beautiful, I often had her distract while I did the work,
but she sure knows how to fight.
While she kept Spider distracted, I lunged for Malcom. But before I
could catch him, he leapt to his feet he wasn’t tied at all! “Stand back Alisa Grant!”
“Well professor, I know your real name isn’t Malcom. I know you have
a wife and eight kids. I know where you live, and I know exactly who you are!”
The professor looked so taken aback I took the chance to pounce.
I grabbed his large arm with both of my arms. And got out my tie -up-the-culprit-anator,
(Yeah, I am terrible at naming stuff) I was just about to pull the trigger when
I heard a loud cry.
I turned to see where it came from, and what I saw was horrifying.
Spider had a revolver to Grave author’s head!
There was not a moment to lose, I had to save my partner.
In short, I was unsuccessful in my mission.
Me and grave author were
both taken hostage by Malcom and spider. Prisoners for a week, and then I
escaped. I wanted to take Gravy with me (Because that’s what I call her) But
she refused to come.
So, I left her, I then consulted Jamie. I told him about everything, How
Malcom had told me his whole plan of world domination starting with destroying
me and my family. (He still thought my family were working with me the idiot)
And then Jamie shared his wisdom with me.
So here we are, at my funeral. It felt like the funeral would never
end! Luckily, I had come prepared. I had snacks, water, headphones, Jamie, my
phone, and an air pump so I didn’t run out of air, and my tools.
I also had backups for all the above, and then backups for the
backups.
So, my funeral was in the evening as my death note requested. So, when
I saw it was seven o’clock, I took my drill and started drilling a hole for my
arms to claw myself out.
When I reached the soil, I clawed myself out. I heard some screams
coming from the people who lived next door. I laughed; this is why I did it at
night. (Otherwise, I might scare the living life out of some innocent persons.)
Now, I cleaned up at the neighbor’s house (we knew them) and then
took my passport and plain ticket and flew from South Africa to a small
uninhabited Bahamian island.
Now when Malcom tries to take over the world and get rid of me,
everyone will say I am dead. Very soon Gravy and my family joined me. (As planned. Explanations were given of course.)
And many years later Malcom found me and flew only himself to my
island. (probably thought he could take me on by himself) Luckily, I had known he would find me, and trained my family (Including
great grandmother) To fight.
Once Malcom was gone, spider disappeared off the face of the earth and I
sat drinking coconut water on the beach of the Bahamas.
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